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John Seeley
The Ex, or Not the Ex? by John Seeley

There is sometimes an attraction that lingers after breaking up from an ex-significant other. The question is to decide whether to act on the feelings or not. It really depends on several factors. One thing to consider is how long has it been since you broke up? Are you or your ex involved with anyone else? What does this mean to each of you? Has anything changed since you broke up? Did you change? Did they change? How? Was there therapy or counseling involved? Do either of you want to make it work again? If so is it both of you? Having only one of you interested in making it work, won’t work.

One important question to consider is why do you want to get involved with someone that didn’t workout before? What’s different? Is it just loneliness or are you just filled with sexual hunger? What’s their motivation? What expectations do you have about this? These questions are important to be understood, and maybe discussed before you decide to take any action.

The vacuum from losing a relationship often makes you want to jump into another one, or back into the old one. It doesn’t make logical sense to jump back into the fire of a bad relationship, but it happens every day. If you were abused, or your ex was becoming abusive, stay out of the relationship. Willpower is not enough though. Counseling is necessary to break your pattern. Without it, you will most likely find yourself repeatedly finding the same people with different names, or in this case the same one.

Decide what you want to create in your life before you jump into any relationship, and certainly before you jump back into one with your ex.