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John Seeley
Should we seek advice and council from others about our relationships? by John Seeley

When you find yourself in turmoil from a relationship, do you ask others for their advice? Many women do. There are a number of reasons for this. One reason is to make sure we are doing the right thing. When we are emotionally involved with someone, and that could be romantically as well as with friends, co-workers, family, etc., we often get into situations where we feel caught up in those emotions. When that happens, our common sense often leaves our decision making process. To assure us, women often turn to their friends, family, of professionals for advice. Men do it too, but not the same way. They will tell their buddies to get sympathy, and support. The support for men, is more a basic affirmation of the men having done, or doing the right thing. The main difference is usually a lot less emotional discussion. It' s more mental agreement.

When women are asking for support from friends and family, that’s where it can be a little tricky. If you’ve watched “Desperate Housewives,” you know that everyone doesn’t act with your best interest in mind. Sometimes it may be on purpose, and at other times others have a subconscious reason to offer some advice that may not be best for you. Sometimes for example, a family member might not want you to “leave” by getting married, or moving, or taking a new job, so their advice might be framed toward that end.

Not all advice is suspect. The real key is to weigh it all. You have your own best answers, but when you are emotionally involved, you sometimes are imbalanced, and therefore make decisions that might not be in your real best interest. It’s important to listen to what others do say, but weigh it based on what that person’s investment is in your life.

One reason we seek other’s opinions is we want support for what we already have done, or want to do. We already quit the job, or the relationship, and now we need support to acknowledge that we are right, and we’re ok. If we’re leaving something familiar, no matter how good a reason we have, it’s scary. We need to know that others will be there for us. Not only for the affirmation of, we did the right thing, but also to be with us as we venture into the unknown. Some things have become so ingrained in us, that we feel like we are on another planet if we try to change them. So we want some help to face the new reality. Once we make it to a new comfort zone, we can relax and be ok with our decisions, until the next time.

"Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it." - Rudyard Kipling.